Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
