Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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