Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
