so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
