I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
