You made me cry and you don't even care
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
