She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
