Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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