farters have to be the big spoon...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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