His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
