you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
