A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
