It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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