Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
