i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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