I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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