there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
