meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
