Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
