I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
