all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we're making bets on your personal life
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
