you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
