I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
