You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
