So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
