I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
