I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
