I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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