Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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