So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
