I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
