Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
