i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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