Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
