i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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