That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
