would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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