Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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