I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
