Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
