Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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