I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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