We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
