Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I accidentally had phone sex last night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
