she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
