we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
