He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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