i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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