do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
