i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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