im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
