4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
