I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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