Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no you cant smoke seaweed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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