the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
