I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
NoShamevember. You game?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
