Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
