I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize