my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
