You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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