I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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