ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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