I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
