hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
