I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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