Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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