well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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