Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please come you make the beer taste better
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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