I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
