How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
