I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
