I want to stick my p in your. b.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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