I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize