you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
