He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
