it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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