White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize