My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
